BOOM! BANG! turns into fizzle... pip...

I was driving home tonight when suddenly I realized it was the one year anniversary of my divorce being finalized. It was kind of a shocking thing to realize. It's really been a whole year since that last, stressful, eight hour battle in the mediator's office! Just today I had been grieving a little over my lost dreams. I had such high hopes for a happy, eternal marriage and it's been hard to see those dreams dissolve. But when I realized it was my anti-versary I knew I needed to celebrate. It's not like getting divorced is fun or good but I could not let my personal independence day pass quietly.

In some ways I think getting divorced was one of the greatest accomplishments of my life. After the divorce finalized I heard a song that started with a crowd cheering. I replayed that one little cheering part over and over again imagining that all those people were cheering with me. Tears of joy streamed down my face to think of all the miracles that had taken place to get me where I was now and how strong I had been to make it.

Yes, this anti-versary called for a celebration. I decided to go buy fireworks and light them off. I had a great time at the store. I bought fireworks, then I bought myself a bouquet of flowers. I sang out loud and didn't even care that fellow shoppers were staring at me curiously. When I finally got done shopping it was nearly 11:00 p.m. And since I live in a quiet neighborhood, I lost my nerve to light the fireworks off alone. (My kids are still with their dad.) So I called a good friend and she agreed to meet up with me. Thank goodness for friends!

The sad thing is, actually lighting off the fireworks wasn't nearly as good as buying them and anticipating them. I told my friend that it was anti-climatic. She said, "Well, that's the way divorce is." Hmmm. . . I guess she's right. So it was probably appropriate to celebrate with let-down fireworks.

All in all, it was a confusing, complex, mood-saturated celebration. I think I'll do it again next year.