I Love My Life

Joy, fun, happiness. That's what my life feels like lately. I got a blessing about 6 months ago that said the clouds that hang over me will begin to clear. Well, I'm seeing the sunshine now! I've been feeling progressively better for awhile. First I didn't feel quite so miserable, then I started to feel peaceful, now I am starting to feel truly happy most of the time. It's amazing.

I look back on what I used to feel like and I can't believe I made it through that. I can't believe horrible feelings could last so long. If someone would have told me going into it what it was going to be like I would have run away fast. Divorce is sheer torture.

But here is one thing I've learned. Life doesn't come at you bigger than you can handle. Things never got so hard that I couldn't bear it. Sometimes I was afraid they would. Sometimes it hurt so much that I didn't think I would make it, but I did. I handled it. I got stronger. I grew. I'm okay. And actually, taking everything into account, I am so grateful for what I've gone through. There is a part of me that would run towards it instead of away from it because of who I am now as a result. Because of all the tender mercies I've experienced. Because of the goodness in other people that I have witnessed. I never would have known the good without the bitter.

Tonight I was just sitting up late in the quiet of the house thinking about how much I love my life. I've got friends now! I told my mom today that I am less lonely now than I've been since before I got married. (Being married to my ex was even lonelier than being divorced ever has been.) I have a social life. I get to go to graduate school. I have the most amazing children. What more could I ask for? Not like everything is perfect, but a lot of things in my life are really, really good. I love it.