Single Guys Over the Age of 30 are Idiots!

I have never met a group of more needy, manipulative, insecure, self-centered, messed up men. For a while I thought I was missing out on something because I chose not to date, but now I realize not dating is one of the smartest things I've ever done for myself.

There is one thing Dr. Laura says that makes sense to me. I think that once a parent gets a divorce dating life ends until the children are out of the house. My kids have already had their world rocked hard enough. They lost their dad in many ways, I don't want them to lose their mom too. And I definitely don't want to become a statistic in the nearly 70% second marriage failure rate.

I have met a lot of single men lately, (most of them through this beautiful, guy-magnet girlfriend of mine) and I rarely end up with a positive experience.

The most recent was a guy who talked to me like I was the only woman in the world when I met him. He was good looking, seemed super nice, and had a successful career so I was intrigued by him. He sent me an email right after we met saying that he just wanted to talk to me all evening and he regretted being interrupted by my friends (my beautiful girlfriend being one of them) when they joined in the conversation. It was pretty obvious that he was interested in me. Then I wrote back to him and said that I don't date and I'm not looking for anyone. He wrote back and said basically, well then will you give me your friend's phone number? Sheesh! What kind of shallowness is that?

Another guy is someone who was far less forward. He was fun to talk to, but very shy in a group. We were getting to be pretty good friends, I thought. It was nothing romantic from what I could tell, but I was enjoying our friendship. I grew up surrounded by boys and I feel very at home having them as close friends. Then suddenly he quit texting or calling me and he didn't respond to my texts or calls. Finally when I asked him about it directly, he texted me and said that I said something that made him uncomfortable and he gets really ticked off when he can't be himself. What?! Our conversation that night had been simple small talk. I racked my brain but couldn't figure out what in the world I had said that would destroy our friendship. The next week we ran into each other and he was totally excited to see me. He hugged me and apologized saying that he was just really sensitive. He offered to take me out to dinner to make up for it. In my mind a red warning light was going off saying "Abuse Cycle! Abuse Cycle!" I think I'll exit this ride now.

And that's about how it's gone for me. If I add in my girl friend's experiences there would be many more pages to write about. Her experiences have been pretty negative too - her boyfriend who we discovered dirty dancing (and I mean really dirty) with another girl at a club, the guy who called her or texted her more times each day than I have fingers on my hand, the guy who acted interested, set up a date, then disappeared and quit answering texts or emails from her (still married?). My girlfriend doesn't quite see it like I do. She says she needs to meet people and she keeps right on dating. That's fine for her.

Some guys go around desperately looking for a plug to fill the hole in their heart. If one girl won't plug in they quickly move on to the next girl to see if she will work. I don't want to be a plug for an unstoppable leak.

Other guys surround themselves with women but never settle in with any of them. They put enough energy into relationships to keep their fans happy, but that's it. Those are the guys who have 500+ friends on facebook, and counting. How can you really feel special when you know you are one of 500? Wonder why that guy isn't married yet? Hmmm. . . no commitment issues there, no none at all.

Another guy I know of gets into serious relationships with any single female who will give him her phone number. He smooth talks his way into her heart and then strings her along for years, never intending to get serious. Come to find out he has several girls stringing along all at the same time, all believing they are the center of his life. He's never been married either.

Dating was agonizing enough when dating was the correct developmental stage of life. Dating now is sheer torture. So yeah, I'll be single for many years to come. And happy!

Justice Prevails!!!

Favorite quotes from my attorney:

"It offends the sensibilities of this court to ask us to believe that the Respondent (that's him) can't afford to pay child support but he can afford to take the children to Disneyland, go to Hawaii on his honeymoon, and spend two vacationing weeks in Ireland."

"The Respondent says he is living off his wife's income. We have the benefit of having his wife's divorce decree dated May 2008. In her financial declaration she claims that she is a student and she has no income. In addition to that, they began dating (read - living together) in December of 2007. You mean to tell me that he didn't have to pay anything for online dating sites, for new clothes, he never paid to take her out on dates, he didn't buy her a ring?" (notice the dates here. I didn't know about this little fact before. They got married two weeks after her divorce finalized. Wonder how long this relationship will last?)

"In the Respondent's reply to the contempt of court charges, he admits to his guilt, gives reasoning for it, says he stands by his decision, and says he would do it again. He seems to believe that what he thinks is more important than what this court has ordered."

"We are asking that the Respondent be put in jail for his contemptuous actions. If the Respondent doesn't want to comply with court orders, perhaps he needs some time to sit and think about it."


Favorite Quotes from the Judge:

Top Favorite Quote:
"The court sanctions the Respondent and orders that he spend five days in jail. Judgment is entered for the amounts requested by the Petitioner (that's me). (Plus he has to pay my attorney's fees!)"

"The written response by the Respondent contains many admissions against self interest"

"If you have no income, how are you eating, how are you buying clothes, how are you paying your bills?"

"If your family can pay for you to go on vacation and out to fancy restaurants why can't they help you pay your child support?"

"This court understands financial difficulties, what this court doesn't understand is a whole bunch of zeros for child support payments."

"The children cannot wear explanations, they can't eat excuses. If the Respondent eats, he must assist the children in eating. If the Respondent keeps warm, he must assist the children in keeping warm. If the Respondent has a place to live, he must assist the children in having a place to live."

"The Petitioner may seek attorney’s fees if either additional hearing is necessary. At the two other hearings that are scheduled, the Court will not accept explanations or excuses by the Respondent. The only thing the Court will accept is compliance with the court order."

Court Date - the only kind of date he'll ever have with me :)

I'm taking my ex back to court. He has committed a long list of (new) offenses that he needs to be held accountable for. It is a little nerve racking and a little invigorating. Regardless of what the judge decides I need to do this for myself and for my children. I don't believe in acting like a doormat. That, by the way, has nothing to do with forgiveness.

D&C 134:11 We believe that men should appeal to the civil law for redress of all wrongs and grievances, where personal abuse is inflicted or the right of property or character infringed, where such laws exist as will protect the same. . .

About That Music Experiment. . .

This hasn't been as easy as I thought it would be. First of all, day two was my cleaning day. Now, I can't very well clean without my cleaning music, can I? I have a playlist of the most obnoxious, fun, cheesy, rock-out music that I always listen to while I clean. It just makes the cleaning go faster. So I had to make an exception for that. But after a while I noticed that I was more grumpy than usual. And my internal nagger was going crazy nagging me about following through with my music experiment. So I finally shut off my fun music and begrudgingly finished the rest of my cleaning to classical music. That darn nagger! She always gets her way. But I have to admit that cleaning to classical music was sort of fun.

Then a few days later I was driving home and I was just in the mood for blasting music. I never knew listening to music could be so addicting! I was totally "jones-ing" as we used to say in high school. So I decided to blast classical. It was the only thing I could think of. And you know, it was actually pretty cool. It reminded me of when I quit eating so much sugar and I could actually taste the flavor of the food I was eating. There was so much to listen to in the classical music that I never paid attention to before. And there is definitely an element of "rock out" in some classical music.

I gave a fhe lesson on music and used Jack Christianson's talk called Music: Apples or Onions It was awesome. It really gave my kids something to think about. They've been choosing much more uplifting music since then. That is no small miracle. So all in all, I think my experiment is going pretty well. I don't have intrusive lyrics going through my head anymore. I've been waking up happy every morning. (Side note - In one of my classes I learned that listening to classical music helps lift depression.) I'm going to keep up my experiment a while longer. I'll post about it again if anything interesting happens.

Life is Sweet!

We love canoing. It has been a family tradition for as long as I can remember. I have pictures of me sitting in a canoe as a little girl. I've been wishing for canoes I could use with my own children for a long time. My parents recently brought us two canoes so now I can take my children out! Hooray!

Grad School

I am loving being a grad student! Life feels different. I feel different. Nothing has really changed but everything has. I can't even explain it. I guess part of it is that it's so awesome to see one of my lifelong goals coming to fruition. Years ago, after doing a little research and realizing how hard it was to get into the program at the school I wanted to go to I felt like it would take a miracle for me to be admitted. If you knew what my high school grades were you would agree. I remember hoping and praying that somehow things would open up so that I could get in. And I felt that sweet, peaceful assurance that they would. It is so nice to be on this end of it and realize that those feelings weren't just my imagination. God really heard my prayers and helped me. My confidence and faith that He is real and that He will keep answering my prayers gets stronger all the time.

Woot! Woot!

I just found out I get better parking now that I am a grad student. Wahoo! (I'll post about day 2 of my music experiment later - no time now).