OK, Single Women Over 30 Aren't All That Either :(

I went to a party last night and I was amazed at the trashiness of the women. It was a costume party. Many people were totally appropriate, so this just applies to some. But man! There were girls there that I had to turn my head away from because I was so embarrassed for them. I'll describe one outfit for your benefit. Fishnet pantyhose. Shorts that could pass for underwear. Sleeveless top that shouted LOOK AT MY CLEAVAGE NOT MY FACE! I'm not sure what this particular girl was dressing up as. Maybe a prostitute? I don't know. If this was at some nightclub or something I would understand. But at a party for LDS people? Have we really lost our standards that much?!

Then there was the guy who dressed up as Marge Simpson in a bathrobe. Complete with a lifelike rubber version of a female chest which he kept flashing at people. I was almost more disgusted with the women who kept giggling about it and asking him to flash them than I was with him for wearing it. Come on ladies! We didn't go through centuries of equal rights struggles only to be objectified by ourselves!

If you think you have to put your body on display in order to get attention you are wrong. The attention you'll get will be from the wrong type of men. The raptor type men. I picture the scene from Jurassic Park where the dinosaur can only see it's prey if they move. Well, creepy guys are like that except they only see women who act like sex objects. If you dress modestly the creepy raptor guys won't even see you. And that's good. Because when you flaunt your stuff out there you've got all kinds of predators ready to use the heck out of you and destroy your life. Those type of guys are only interested in serving themselves and meeting their own needs. They CAN'T care about you because they don't see you as a person.

The good guys don't want a serious relationship with an object. Good guys are repulsed by immodesty. Seriously. You dress immodestly and you make yourself repulsive to the kind of guys who will really treat you well. The first example I can think of to illustrate this is my brother. He is an awesome, smart, funny, successful, handsome, good, kind person. One of the best people I know. If he saw a girl dressed like a slut he would look away. I know he would. So in effect, that girl just repulsed him. She repulsed the very kind of guy she could have a happy, fulfilling relationship with. (Yes, he is happily married already btw.)

As a side note, here is a little tip for any women who might be looking for a decent guy. If he has extremely high standards about women's looks he is probably into porn. Pornography uses tricks of the trade to make women look artificially beautiful. Men who watch it begin to believe that's how all women should look and they end up with unrealistic standards for beauty. So if you hear a guy saying some movie star is unattractive when most people think she is beautiful (or something like that) then put up a red flag. A big one. Same thing for a guy who obsesses over the way you look and wants you to look sexier in public.

So to tie this all up, even though I ranted on about how messed up single men over 30 were, I have come to face the fact that women aren't much better. When it comes down to it, all of us are just mortal people trying to make our way through life the best we can. We all get a little lost sometimes. For next week my goal is to be less judgmental.

I Love My Life

Joy, fun, happiness. That's what my life feels like lately. I got a blessing about 6 months ago that said the clouds that hang over me will begin to clear. Well, I'm seeing the sunshine now! I've been feeling progressively better for awhile. First I didn't feel quite so miserable, then I started to feel peaceful, now I am starting to feel truly happy most of the time. It's amazing.

I look back on what I used to feel like and I can't believe I made it through that. I can't believe horrible feelings could last so long. If someone would have told me going into it what it was going to be like I would have run away fast. Divorce is sheer torture.

But here is one thing I've learned. Life doesn't come at you bigger than you can handle. Things never got so hard that I couldn't bear it. Sometimes I was afraid they would. Sometimes it hurt so much that I didn't think I would make it, but I did. I handled it. I got stronger. I grew. I'm okay. And actually, taking everything into account, I am so grateful for what I've gone through. There is a part of me that would run towards it instead of away from it because of who I am now as a result. Because of all the tender mercies I've experienced. Because of the goodness in other people that I have witnessed. I never would have known the good without the bitter.

Tonight I was just sitting up late in the quiet of the house thinking about how much I love my life. I've got friends now! I told my mom today that I am less lonely now than I've been since before I got married. (Being married to my ex was even lonelier than being divorced ever has been.) I have a social life. I get to go to graduate school. I have the most amazing children. What more could I ask for? Not like everything is perfect, but a lot of things in my life are really, really good. I love it.